Contemplating the Book: My Life in Writing

I keep working on so many writing projects that mostly will never see fruition, spreading myself so thin in order to avoid imposter syndrome and the inevitable focus on what I see as failures. My whole life has been one long struggle to communicate coupled with an obsessive need to document my struggle through different writing forms and ideas. Lately, I have been contemplating the book while finishing up a few articles. 

I am writing this post to keep myself honest and focused. My ultimate goal is to put together the proposal and the introduction before the end of summer. I want to conclude the two projects I am working on, but I have to wait for the inevitable comments. I published one book chapter this year, but another was canceled. I am waiting for additional feedback on two journal articles. I was hoping I could meet my other writing goals by summer, so I can focus most of my time on researching the book and beginning to finally draft it. 

Today I am dealing with carpal tunnel, numb fingers, and a sore shoulder. I know that I should make a doctor's appointment to alleviate these issues and start feeling better, but my fears keep me from picking up the phone. Instead, I struggle through these paragraphs, missing a key here and there and typing so much slower than I would like. So much for my vaunted typing speed. I feel like a fraud, but I will press on, hopefully picking up the phone this week and finding the energy and strength to keep writing. I do not want to record myself or use dreaded A.I. tools to do my work. Hell, I do not even want to think about it. I will soldier on. 

I might be reluctant to call a doctor, but I am not going to stop working. My life in writing means I will keep putting my thoughts down and examining myself. I have been writing, while teaching too many courses, for a long time, and I am certain I will finish this book. Here I am contemplating my process and fighting to continue at the punishing pace I set for myself. 

I will call the doctor and set up another appointment, and then I will get the easy parts of the book done this summer. Time will tell about the next steps, but they will undoubtedly include drafting, drafting, and damnable politics.