Snobbin: Beautiful Trash in the Pop Culture Gutter

I've really dropped off the map with this blog in recent years due to a few major life circumstances, including miscarriages and job loss. I figure I will record my journey in a series of blog posts, poems, and short essays as I attempt to navigate my issues and write more for the blog. I have been continually working on academic articles and chapters along with editing fiction and hopefully working on my own book proposals for an edited collection and for a possible music/film book. I always have so many ideas, but my follow-through has been lacking.  Here are my proposals and goals for 2024: 1. Rework my Green Day 33 1/3 proposal in hopes of publishing some of it. Perhaps, I might put it on the the blog like I did with my Drive-By-Truckers Southern Rock Opera attempt a few years ago. 2. Write and publish a CFP on my favorite television show of the past few years for a possible edited collection. 3. Finish the two chapters for edited collections that I am currently working on. 4....

I never live up to what I expect from myself. I have Imposter Syndrome and Generalized Anxiety. I achieve most of my goals, but I am still unhappy since I do not know when to quit.   I cannot stop comparing myself to others despite different career paths.  I compete with myself as much as others.  I have been teaching five courses per semester at the highest level for years. I have a vigorous publishing schedule that often gets in the way of my personal goals.  I enjoy writing most of the time.  I'm not getting any younger, so I think I might just have to give up. I should settle for what comes and finally write that book.  I will remain tired.   I am angry most of the time. 

"One’s destination is never a place, but rather a new way of looking at things." --Henry Miller. Big Sur and the Oranges of Hieronymus Bosch (1957). "I'll never know, and neither will you, of the life you don't choose. We'll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not ours. It was the ghost ship that didn't carry us. There's nothing to do but salute it from the shore." -- Cheryl Strayed. Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Life and Love from Dear Sugar (2012). We just moved to Arkansas so I could start my new teaching job, loading our belongings into a car and a 26-foot truck, trying against all odds to get rid of junk to make the move easier. While I did get rid of books and other nonessential items, the truck was packed (to the gills as the expression goes). I know, first world problems, right? There was barely room for anything else, and when we arrived in Arkansas there were a few damaged items. I...

I find myself thinking about the Barracudas's song "Grammar of A Misery" today as I work on lesson plans, abstracts, and the assorted flotsam and jetsam of academic life. The song is lyrically simple, yet holds complex emotional resonance for me. Jeremy Gluck sings in the chorus " Run From yourself for twenty years / Cry yourself a thousand tears / Call for help but no one's listening / At your grammar of misery." The sadness of going through the motions is evident as is the emotional pain of feeling alone in the void. The song makes evident how hard it can be to express our true feelings as we sink into a solipsistic state. Yet the song's propulsive drumming and ringing guitar chords coupled with the sheer energy of the Barracudas attack are hopeful. And check out that guitar solo and playful vocal effects that recall Generation X at their bounciest. However, The Barracudas are generally more complex than Billy Idol's first band. They tend to writ...

When I was younger, I always had a lot of optimism, despite my penchant for periods of morose pondering. I fretted and worried about everything, yet I always had the belief that everything would work out as I envisioned. As I get older, I'm not so sure that I even want things to work out quite the way I planned. I've spent a number of years in academia pursuing my PhD in Film and American Literature, and I am extremely close to defending my dissertation. The entire document is now in the hands of my committee. My dissertation director and former professors have all been an immense help in this process. Soon I will be editing the final manuscript and preparing for the defense, which will hopefully be in February or March. Then, I can start the interminable process of revising chapters for possible publication. Right now, I also have a chapter to finish for upcoming publication in an edited collection. This year I also took a position as a full-time instructor back in my ol...