There are days when I feel like I have told the same story to numerous people multiple times because I cannot stop dwelling on it. I have always struggled with letting things go. People tell me that I am too sensitive and that I just need to let things go. I battle with trying to forget the small injustices from twenty years ago, blaming others for being mean to me when they barely remember doing it. I think I tell stories to try to reorder my life and take control of situations that I cannot control.
Of course, my inability to stop dwelling does not account for how I start forgetting minor details and adding others after years of telling stories. We all do this because memory is fallible and people like to entertain. The process of understanding what has happened to us throughout the years is hard to comprehend and understand, especially for those of us who have difficulty not dwelling on every detail. We blame others for the minor bumps in the road and we blame ourselves for imagined and real mistakes. We want to build narratives that mean something, even when there is little meaning.
Throughout the years, I have gotten better at understanding why things happen and parsing their meanings to my life. I have also learned how to deal better without dwelling quite as much. I know that I will never be able to entirely let go. Nor should I because the bumps in the road have taught me much. It has helped me create better and truer narratives about my life, and it has shown me that sometimes I have to talk to order my thoughts. Hopefully, everyone is not sick of listening.
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